Subject: Communication » Speech (Page 3)

You might be a redneck if… your child’s first words are “Attention Kmart shoppers!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family People Rednecks Speech

A clever remark is one you don’t make at the appropriate moment, but compose immediately after.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

The very best impromptu speeches are the ones written well in advance.

(1896 – 1985) American actress
Communication Speech

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports; when four or more women get together, they talk about men.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Conversation Men People Speech Sports Women

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Acting Communication Entertainment Film Speech

The most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you,” but … “benign.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health Speech

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Alice Jane Chandler Webster (1876 – 1916) writer & author
Communication Conversation Insults Speech

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Money Speech

Spontaneous speeches are seldom worth the paper they are written on.

(1891 – 1957) English comedian, actor, producer & film director
Communication Speech

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Communication Conversation Speech

When you can’t discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you’ve already checked.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

Correlation does not imply causality, but the more I say things like that the fewer people want to talk to me.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Speech

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Golf Speech Sports Television

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Arms Speech Things

You want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Speech

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper.

(1938 – ) film critic & former television co-host
Reviews/Criticism Speech

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Family Fathers People Speech