Subject: Conflict

War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford.

(1906 – 1975) German-born American political theorist
Conflict War

The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Conflict

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Communication Honesty Killing Truth

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
America Conflict Places War

An Iranian moderate is one that has run out of ammunition.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Arms Conflict Government People Places

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

Woman Charged With Stealing Underwear, Cheese

Crime Headlines

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

They say that guns don't kill people, people kill people, but I think the guns help.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms Conflict Killing

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Killing

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Conflict Death War

I do have some sad news to report: Bjork could not be here; she was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Conflict Crime Education

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict

The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.

Conflict Fights Proverbs

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics Emotions Killing Laughter Men People Women

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

You’ll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old’s cold dead hands.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Things

[My husband] and I are always fighting; when we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Conflict Marriage Problems