Death | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Death (Page 19)

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

Death Mistakes Problems

Okay, Father. I'll pray that you don't follow me too soon.

Edward Slovik

(1920 – 1945) only American soldier to be court martialed and executed for desertion during World War II

Last words In response to the chaplain saying “Eddie – when you get Up There say a little prayer for me.

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

Eugene Ormandy

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Death Health Misspokements Illness

It is my last wish to be buried sitting up.

Bette Davis

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

Death Situations Burial Sitting

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Eulogies Listening

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago, because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

Mort Sahl

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

Death Places Politics Chicago

A dying man enjoys free speech.

Francois Villon

(1431 – 1463) French rogue, vagabond, outlaw, bohemian & poet

Communication Death Speech Free speech

Now why did I do that?

General William Erskine

(1728 – 1795) British Army commander

Last words Said after he jumped from a window in Lisbon Portugal in 1813.

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.

Thomas J. Grasso

Taylor C. Craig (1960 – 1995) American double-convicted murderer

Last words Executed by injection in Oklahoma Referring to his requested last meal

Proof that we don’t understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.

Jerry Seinfeld

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Death Pillows

It must have been the coffee.

Jack Soo

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor

Last words In reference to his character Nick Yemana’ from “Barney Miller” who had a reputation for making horrible coffee. According to friend Hal Linden these were Soo's last words before cancer surgery.

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Anonymous

Death Definitions Eulogy Praise

You got me.

John Dillinger Jr.

(1903 – 1934) American bank robber & convicted murderer

Last words After being killed by federal agents in a shootout

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Death Life Sorry Undertaker

That is indeed very good. I shall have to repeat that on the Golden Floor!

A.E. Housman

(1859 – 1936) English classical scholar & poet

Last words To his doctor who told him a joke.

Who is it? Who is it?

Billy the Kid (William H. Bonney)

(1859 – 1881) American frontier gunman

Last words Moments before being shot by Sheriff Pat Garrett

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Saliva

Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.

Carl Friedrich Gauss

(1777 – 1855) German mathematician & scientist

Death When informed that his wife was dying

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Charles de Gaulle

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman

Death People Indispensable

I don't believe that I'm going to be able to speak any longer.

Branch Rickey

(1881 – 1965) American Major League Baseball executive

Last words He was in the middle of an acceptance speech at Missouri's Sports Hall of Fame when he collapsed in mid-sentence and never regained consciousness.

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Subject: Death (Page 19)

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Okay, Father. I'll pray that you don't follow me too soon.

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

It is my last wish to be buried sitting up.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago, because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

A dying man enjoys free speech.

Now why did I do that?

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.

Proof that we don’t understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.

It must have been the coffee.

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

You got me.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

That is indeed very good. I shall have to repeat that on the Golden Floor!

Who is it? Who is it?

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

I don't believe that I'm going to be able to speak any longer.