Subject: Definitions (Page 16)

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American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Definitions Emotions Love

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Cleopatra: Queen of denial.

Definitions

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Advertising: That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of.

Communication Definitions

Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government Law

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions