Subject: Definitions (Page 21)

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Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

Communication Definitions Language

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Buffet: A French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”

American humorist & public speaker
Definitions Food/Drink

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

Recursion: If you still don't get it, See: Recursion.

Definitions

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life