Subject: Definitions (Page 29)

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Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

History: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions History Time

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Broom: Witch craft.

Definitions

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.

Definitions Marriage

Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink