Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.

Definitions

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Definitions

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Definitions

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes