Subject: Definitions (Page 40)

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Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

Family Planning: Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters.

Children Definitions Family

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Definitions

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

Brat: A child who displays his pest manners.

Definitions

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions