Subject: Definitions (Page 46)

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Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions