Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Definitions Science/Weather

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Genius: One who can do almost anything except make a living.

Definitions Intelligence

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.

Definitions

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Language Learning

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

writer
Definitions Family

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Definitions Wordplay

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places