Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.

Definitions Golf Sports

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Book: What they make a movie out of for television.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Books Communication Definitions

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language