Subject: Emotions (Page 14)

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Emotions Happiness Money Wealth

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter

A married friend of mine does that thing where he never goes to bed angry… because every time he and his wife fight, she makes him sleep on the couch.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Anger Emotions Marriage Situations Sleep

If love were oil, I'd be about a quart low.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Emotions Love

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.

(1894 – 1987) British writer
Emotions Love Money People Wealth

The voice of love seemed to call me… but it was a wrong number.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Emotions Love

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

(1977 – ) Irish actress, producer & writer
Emotions Love Money

If love was easy, there would be almost no music.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Emotions Love Music

I’ve lost my will to suffer.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions

Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Emotions Happiness

As long as I have you there is just one other thing I'll always need — tremendous self control.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions Situations

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Happiness Language People

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress
Emotions Hollywood Places

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Emotions Situations

Love is staying up all night with a sick child… or a healthy adult.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Emotions Love

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Health Love Money

At my age flowers scare me.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Emotions Fear Old

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions Happiness

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Emotions Love