Subject: Entertainment (Page 32)

Real country music is lying on the floor with that bottle of Jack Daniel's by your side 'cause a woman's gone and walked across your heart like a Samoan man in golf shoes.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Entertainment Music

I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Dating Entertainment Music Relationships

U2’s lawyers work pro bono.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Entertainment Lawyers Music

ESPN is like your family, it’s always there: the networks are like your mother-in-law… they are there on the weekends.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Sports Television

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire?… the one nearest the door of course.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Art Entertainment Situations

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
Entertainment Government Politicians

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to The William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
Music

Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Definitions Music

Playing Shakespeare is very tiring; you never get to sit down unless you're a king.

(1884 – 1957) American actress
Acting Entertainment

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Situations

I like Wagner’s music better than anybody’s; it is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Entertainment Music Reviews/Criticism

I tell ya, comedy is in my blood; I wish it was in my act.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Entertainment Family Mothers

Bad artists always admire each other’s work.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Art Entertainment

I practice when I’m loaded.

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist
Alcohol Entertainment Music

Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

(1909 – 1979) American cartoonist (Li'l Abner)
Entertainment

I like Wagner's music better than any other music; it is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults Music

I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car… in the lobby of Caesar's Palace.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Animals Entertainment Places

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Entertainment Music Things

Ladies and gentlemen, I've suffered for my music… now it's your turn.

(1944 – ) English actor, musician & comic writer
Entertainment Music