Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 33)
Acting is a form of confusion.
Tallulah Bankhead
(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Acting
Entertainment
Occupations
Work
I know what the public want because I am one of them.
Lew Grade
(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
Entertainment
Film
People
Television
The public
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
Tina Fey
(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Emotions
Entertainment
Laughter
Audiences
Writers
English Channel: The BBC.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Television
English Channel
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help."
Jimmy Carr
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Death
Entertainment
Television
The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication
Entertainment
Opinion
Artists
Critics
Who among us has not gazed thoughtfully and patiently at a painting of Jackson Pollock and thought… "What a piece of crap?"
Rob Long
American television producer, screenwriter, executive producer & author
Art
Insults
Jackson Pollock
I hope you go before me because I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
Spike Milligan
(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death
Entertainment
Funerals
Singing
Calling Kathy Lee 'entertainment' is like falling off the roof and calling it transportation.
Rocky LaPorte
American actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Insults
Kathy Lee Gifford
Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment
Music
Support bacteria – they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment
People
Bacteria
Culture
A great actress, from the waist down.
Dame Madge Kendal
(1848 – 1935) English actress
Acting
Insults
About Sarah Bernhardt
A piano store looks like a funeral parlor for music.
Ramón Gómez de la Serna
(1888 – 1963) Spanish writer & dramatist
Entertainment
Music
Piano stores
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities
Entertainment
Billy Crystal
Oscars
I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.
Edward Appleton
(1892 – 1965) English physicist
Communication
Entertainment
Language
Music
Understanding
Opera
I want to be a diva… like people-totally-respect-my-music diva, not diva like carry-my-Diet-Coke-around.
Jessica Simpson
(1980 – ) American singer
Music
Success
Celebrity
Diva
Morality, like art, means a drawing a line someplace.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Art
Characteristics
Entertainment
Morality
Give them pleasure – the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.
Alfred Hitchcock
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Emotions
Entertainment
Film
Nightmares
Pleasure
I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Intelligence
Morse Code
Tap dancers
I was happy when I fist heard Ronald Reagan was running for the presidency; I’ve always thought, once you’re in show business you should stay in it.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment
Ronald Reagan
A musical is a series of catastrophes ending with a floor show.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Entertainment
Musical
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