Subject: Entertainment (Page 34)

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks; there you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Music

They want to play the blues so badly… and that's how they play it – badly!

American bluesman
Entertainment Insults Music

When having my portrait painted I don’t want justice, I want mercy.

(1862 – 1952) Australian Prime Minister & politician
Art Entertainment Self

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Intelligence

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Cats Entertainment Music

All my shows are great; some of them are bad, but they are all great.

(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
Entertainment Film

Men don’t care what’s on TV… they only care what else is on TV.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Entertainment Men People Television

The prize on that show: another contestant.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television

The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Entertainment Music

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for thousands of years, you know what their musical contribution is going to be?… Riverdance.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Entertainment Music People

Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Entertainment Misspokements Television

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments – the very lower bowel of music.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Entertainment Music

Shakespeare is so tiring; you never get a chance to sit down unless you’re a king.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Acting Entertainment

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
America Places Television

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

(1852 – 1917) English actor & theater manager
Acting Entertainment

English Channel: The BBC.

Definitions Entertainment Television

You might be a redneck if… your down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment Intelligence People Rednecks Television

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Music Religion

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music

Acting: Standing up naked and turning around very slowly.

(1907 – 1976) American actress
Acting Entertainment