Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 34)
She stopped the show – but then the show wasn't traveling very fast.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting
Communication
Entertainment
Reviews/Criticism
Theater
In a perfect world, a fair world, Bob Hayes should be forced to carry a small calf on his shoulder when he runs the dashes…Mark Spitz, in all fairness, would swim with a sea anchor…[and] Ella Fitzgerald must sing every note with a mouth full of Tootsie Rolls.
Blackie Sherrod
(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Entertainment
Life
Places
Sports
World
I know what the public want because I am one of them.
Lew Grade
(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
Entertainment
Film
People
Television
The public
Television is for appearing on – not for looking at.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment
Television
It used to be that we in films were the lowest form of art; now we have something to look down on.
Billy Wilder
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment
Television
I was doing some musical research, and I found out it was actually white people that came up with rap music… only, they call it square dancing.
Bruce Baum
(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Entertainment
Music
Rap music
Square dancing
Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for forty-five minutes.
Aaron Copland
(1900 – 1990) classical composer, teacher, writer & conductor
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Boredom
On composer Ralph Vaughan Williams
This business is dog eat dog and nobody is gonna eat me.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Entertainment
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment
Success
Celebrity
Ed Sullivan
Talent
Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.
Richard M. Nixon
(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Entertainment
Television
Remember that show
My Three Sons
? … it’d be funny if it was called
My One Dad
.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Television
My Three Sons
Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.
Dramatic and Musical Review
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Places
Of French composer Hector Berlioz
Paris
Play us a medley of your hit.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Entertainment
Insults
Music
To George Gershwin
He makes you feel more danced
against
than
with.
Sally Poplin
Dance
Entertainment
It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
Russell Baker
(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education
Entertainment
Money
American Life
I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Entertainment
Sex
Television
Oral sex
There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.
Alfred Hitchcock
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Emotions
Entertainment
Film
Terror
I wrote a song, but I don’t know how to read music, so I don’t know what it is.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment
Music
I don’t think he could direct his nephew to the bathroom.
Dyan Cannon
(1937 – ) American film & television actress, director, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment
Film
Insults
Of film director Otto Preminger
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
Brendan Francis Behan
(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Beliefs
Entertainment
Opinion
Critics
On a golf course, Jack had the hands of a violinist; that was fair, because as a violinist, Jack had the hands of a golfer.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment
Golf
Music
Sports
Jack Benny
Violin
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