Subject: Family » Mothers

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

I never saw my mother up close.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Family Mothers People Self

Socialite: Whatever possessed you to be born in a place like Lowell, Massachusetts?

Whistler: I wished to be near my mother.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Family Mothers Places

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

I’ve been here eight months and have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn’t handle my mother.

comedian & television writer
Family Mothers Places

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

When I was a kid, I got no respect. I told my mother I’m gonna run away from home. She said, “On your mark…”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

My mother was the worst cook ever; in school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Clothing Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Family Mothers Relationships

Mother, there are terrorist cells that are more nurturing than you are.

(1958 – ) American actor & producer
Family Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.

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Children Family Fathers Mothers

One time my whole family played hide and seek; they found my mother in Pittsburgh!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers People Self

Don’t forget Mother’s Day; or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Divorce Family Marriage Mothers

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them; my mother cleans them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Family Housework Mothers

Do me a favor; when you get home, throw your mother a bone.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Family Mothers Situations

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers; good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

(1952 – ) comedian
Mothers Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Mothers People Rednecks School

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

From time to time, my mother puts on her wedding dress; not because she’s sentimental, she just gets really far behind on her laundry.

comedian
Family Mothers