Subject: Family (Page 33)

You know who really gives kids a bad name? … Posh and Becks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Wordplay

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

White babies are disgusting… they’re like regular babies that aren’t ripe yet.

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Family People

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Emotions Family Love

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Children Exaggerations People Women

Now the thing about having a baby – and I can’t be the first person to have noticed this – is that thereafter you have it.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Family

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.

Age Children Family Learning

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Enough is never enough.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Characteristics Children People Things

One of my grandfathers died when he was a little boy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family

You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub… and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Death Family

During the summer I like to go to the beach and make sand castles out of cement, and wait for kids to run by and try to kick them over.

comedian & actor
Activities Children

I get on very well with my parents, give or take my mother.

English comedian & actor
Family Mothers Parents

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family

My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Health

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Activities Age Animals Children Young

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self