Subject: Government » Elections/Voting

America better beware of a candidate who is willing to stretch reality in order to win points.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
America Elections/Voting Government

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour; I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Elections/Voting Government

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Get re-elected.

Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
America Elections/Voting Government Places

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

You win some, you lose some, and then there's that little known third category.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Elections/Voting Government Law Politics

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug – the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Elections/Voting Emotions Government

If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.

(1922 – 2010) American historian, author, playwright & social activist
Elections/Voting Government

We don’t just have egg on our face; we have omelette all over our suits.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Elections/Voting Government

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Elections/Voting Government

If voting changed anything they’d abolish it.

(1945 – ) British politician
Elections/Voting Government

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

(1927 – ) Louisiana politician & governor
Elections/Voting Government

Hey folks, I’ll admit it — I didn’t vote; I didn’t like any of those bastards enough to risk jury duty.

comedian
Elections/Voting Government Law

A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
Communication Elections/Voting

Oscar [of the Academy Awards] is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Elections/Voting Government

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language