Subject: Government (Page 34)

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Government Intelligence People Reading/Writing

Judge: Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?

Mae West: On the contrary, Your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Law

What IS a ‘moderate Iranian,’ anyway?… someone who takes hostages but doesn't eat them?

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Government Places Politics

The wind doesn't bother me. I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Congress Government

A politician is a man who approaches every question with an open mouth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Communication Government Politicians Speech

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Congress Government

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Art Democracy Government Science/Weather

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

No one ever carries too much ammo.

Military

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.

American comedian & writer
Government Politicians

Surprise is an event that takes place only in the mind of a commander.

Military Murphy’s Laws

A wise man once said, “Never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.”

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs Politics

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws

There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

Military

Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president… and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government President

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession… and I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Politics

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Government Money

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work