Subject: Insults (Page 23)

He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I’m his wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.

(1909 – 1995) American journalist
Insults

The ‘g’ is silent… the only thing about her that is.

(1959 – ) English writer & columnist
Communication Insults Speech

Mariah the fashion pariah… the queen of catastrophic kitsch.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Insults

A triumph of the embalmer's art.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Insults Music

I know he’s a fictional character, but if such a man existed, it would be the duty of social services to warn the local parents that he had come to live in the area.

(1961 – ) British comedian
Insults

Maybe it's the hair, maybe it's the teeth, maybe it's the intellect…. no, it's the hair.

(1944 – ) American television critic
Appearance Insults

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults

Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults Intelligence

I once described him [Arnold Schwarzenegger] as looking like a condom full of walnuts.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults Marriage Self

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People

The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Insults People

A garden gnome expelled from Eden.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Insults

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Body Fat Insults

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

Scorsese was our director; he had phone books under his ass so he could see the actors.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults

I think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Insults Speech

My prayer to God is a very short one: 'Oh, Lord, make my enemies ridiculous;' God has granted it.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Insults