Subject: Marriage (Page 17)

Don’t forget Mother’s Day; or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Divorce Family Marriage Mothers

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Money

I never mind my wife having the last word; in fact, I’m delighted when she gets to it.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
Marriage People Women

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

(469 BC – 399) BC Greek philosopher
Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Once in a restaurant I made a toast to her… “The best woman a man ever had”… the waiter joined me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage

The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he’ll be late for supper and she’s already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.

Marriage

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.

(1933 – 2007) Am. evangelical pastor, televangelist, & political commentator
Marriage Sex

My wife gets so jealous; she came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Characteristics Marriage Wives

Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.

(1960 – ) English actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Marriage

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Marriage People

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Wives

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Marriage

I'm not upset about my divorce; I'm only upset I'm not a widow.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Emotions Marriage