Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 4)

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Health Love Marriage Wives

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Wives

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Marriage Wives

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Things Wives

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Marriage Wives

This coat I’m wearing is a present from my wife; I came home early one night and there it was, hanging over a chair.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Marriage Wives

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Government Marriage Wives

My wife told me today that I'm gonna become a father for the very first time; the bad news is – we already have two kids.

comedian
Children Marriage Wives

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Future Husbands Marriage Proverbs Time Wives

There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping… you get another wife.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex Wives

You might be a redneck if… your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Wives

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Fights Marriage Relationships Sports Wives

My wife and I were happy for twenty years… before we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Time Wives

After three years of marriage, there are some questions I'd like to ask my wife… little things like, 'Honey, why is it that you get three closets and I get the back of a chair?

comedian & actor
Marriage Wives