Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 2)

You've heard the saying that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time a mousetrap snaps, an angel gets set on fire.

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Corduroy Pants

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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

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When I picked up the little dead mouse that my cat had killed, at first I felt sad… then I felt hungry; I forget what happened after that.

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He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

Frugal Miscellaneous Money

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
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Spread the table.

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Prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

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I never made a mistake in my life… I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
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Y’all have chairs.

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Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?

Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

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like trying to herd cats

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Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

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He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

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Stomping grounds

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You’re like the dog that caught the car.

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The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

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I'll snatch you baldheaded.

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Most people don’t realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

Miscellaneous