Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 53)

FREE Mullet Removal

Miscellaneous

Throw the hatchet

Miscellaneous

Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

Miscellaneous

You look like five miles of bad road.

Miscellaneous

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Miscellaneous

I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

Miscellaneous

This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Miscellaneous

It's hotter than the four sides of Hell.

Miscellaneous

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' briars.

Miscellaneous

It would be better to dress him than to feed him.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than a mud fence

Miscellaneous

I’ll wear you out till your hide won’t hold shucks.

Miscellaneous

Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

Miscellaneous

Darn it, I tumped over my tea.

Miscellaneous

He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.

Miscellaneous

If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it’s some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!

Miscellaneous

Southwest Airlines is like my period: it hurts my back and it’s always late.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Miscellaneous

Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

"shootin" horseshoes

Miscellaneous

Cathead biscuit

Miscellaneous