Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 72)

So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.

Miscellaneous

Looks like he’s been chewin’ tobacco and spittin’ in the wind.

Miscellaneous

In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Everybody’s in the same pew

Miscellaneous

If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it’s some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!

Miscellaneous

She can’t help that she’s ugly, but she could’ve stayed home!

Miscellaneous

He is just a hole in search of donut.

Miscellaneous

That ain't worth the powder to blow it to hell.

Miscellaneous

If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

Miscellaneous

Every old crow thinks hers are the blackest.

Miscellaneous

I don’t pretend to have all the answers; I don’t pretend to even know what the questions are… hey, where am I?

Miscellaneous

He won’t hit a lick at a snake.

Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Miscellaneous

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients… but we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Miscellaneous

Warning to all outer-space guys: you can capture me and put me in your space zoo if you like, but I will sit way in the back of my cage, where it’s hard to see me… and when I do come out, I won’t be wearing any pants.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don’t use it that often.

Miscellaneous

When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.

Miscellaneous

Madder than spit on a griddle

Miscellaneous

It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

A lot of times when you first start out on a project you think: this is never going to be finished, but then it is, and you think: Wow, it wasn’t even worth it.

Miscellaneous

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages

Miscellaneous