Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 72)

I'll hit you so hard your children will be born dizzy.

Miscellaneous

Ready with his hat and slow with his money

Miscellaneous

I wouldn’t mind if animals ate my body, after I’m dead. And before I’m dead, they could lick me.

Miscellaneous

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker; it may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

Miscellaneous

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.

Miscellaneous

I don’t know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
Miscellaneous

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off; you see, we build to that.

Miscellaneous

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

Miscellaneous

I’ve been to two goat ropin’s and a county fair and I ain’t seen nothin’ like this.

Miscellaneous

If you’re ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.

Miscellaneous

Meaner 'n a rattlesnake.

Miscellaneous

Give a man a fish and it will feed him for a day, give the man a fishing rod and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.

(1968 – ) English impressionist & comedian
Miscellaneous Proverbs

They from off.

Miscellaneous

If it was raining soup, he'd be out in the yard with a fork.

Miscellaneous

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Miscellaneous

Bulbous Bouffant

Miscellaneous

Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

Miscellaneous

He’s got a tough row to hoe

Miscellaneous

He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

Miscellaneous

I’ve always been bad at spelling – not sure whether it’s nature or nurture.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

Miscellaneous