Subject: Misspokements (Page 47)

The gap between the two cars is 0.9 of a second, which is less than one second.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports Time

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Science/Weather

The United States has so much to offer the third world war.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Misspokements

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone; I’m just here for the drugs.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress
Drugs Misspokements

The crowd noise has gone up several octaves since the beginning of the game!

Misspokements Sports

According to team rules, the vote has to be unanimous. It can be unanimous or out loud.

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I am B-U-Z-Y, busy!

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

The new Haitian baseball can’t weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

All your friends are gonna be green with envious.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Misspokements

A well-boiled icicle

(1844 – 1930) English dean at Oxford whose name is given to the accidental transposition of sounds of two or more words
Misspokements

I want to hear it so quiet we can hear a mouse dropping.

(1897 – 1960) Russian-born American film director, actor & producer
Malaprops Misspokements

The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.

football broadcaster
Football Misspokements Sports

Both of the Villa scorers – Withe and Mortimer – were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.

Misspokements

My eyesight went blurry from the lastitude they put in the mushrooms.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements

If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.

(1919 – 2006) American sports announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

Jimmy Hill: Don’t sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?

Venables: I think it’s fifty-fifty.

English football player & manager
Misspokements Sports

The highest standard of living – the grossest national product.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

The final score after eight innings is Giants 3, Padres 2.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Entertainment Misspokements Sports Television