Subject: Money (Page 23)

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income… which he then spends sending his son to college.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Money School

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host
Doctors Health Money

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income.

businessman
Government Money Taxes

I was so poor growing up if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Poverty

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth; it is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Age Golf Sports Success Wealth

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money

Low Wages Said Key To Poverty

Headlines Money

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Money Science/Weather

You might be a redneck if… you think the stock market has fence around it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money People Rednecks

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.

(1894 – 1987) British writer
Emotions Love Money People Wealth

Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?

Payton: (making $2,700,000 per year): People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they’d live like penny-pinchers.

professional football coach
Misspokements Money Sports

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

My mom bought cookies… and they were never the good cookies; it was always the pack of 1000 that said: 'Cookies.'

comedian
Food/Drink Money Poverty

It isn’t enough for you to love money… it’s also necessary that money should love you.

(1840 – 1915) British banker & politician
Money

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

If you’re wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don’t.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
Money

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Family Money People

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Money

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Money Places Wealth

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money Situations