Subject: Money (Page 28)

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

You know, if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Money

My mom bought cookies… and they were never the good cookies; it was always the pack of 1000 that said: 'Cookies.'

comedian
Food/Drink Money Poverty

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme… and it’s working.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Money Wealth

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Emotions Happiness Money

I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Money Situations

Money enables a man to get along without an education, and education enables him to get along without money.

writer
Education Money

I hate nickels; they’re quarter impersonators.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Money

I used to sell furniture for a living… the trouble was, it was my own.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Money Poverty Situations

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Life Money

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

(1861 – 1950) American writer
Money Time

Anyone with money to burn will always find himself surrounded by people with matches.

Money Wealth

Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Death Life Money

Poverty keeps together more homes than it breaks up.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Money Relationships

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Money Work

No man ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

Intelligence Money Murphy’s Laws

You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late; you fryin’ toast?… at nine o’clock at night?… with bacon?… you’re broke.

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money Poverty

Mendoza: I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich.

Tanner: I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Money People