Subject: People (Page 122)

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men Sex Things Women

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Characteristics Communication People Speech

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter People

I don't get no respect, are you kiddin’? The time I got hurt… on the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature; and another woman to help him forget them.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Intelligence Memory Men People Women

I don’t want to be labeled as gay or straight. I just want people to see me… as white.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics Emotions Killing Laughter Men People Women

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

You might be a redneck if… you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fathers People Rednecks

It’s a lot easier being black than gay; at least if you’re black you don’t have to tell.

American comedian & motivational speaker
People

I don’t believe in class differences, but luckily my butler disagrees with me.

(1931 – 1988) British magazine editor, political cartoonist & graphic artist
People

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Individuals People

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Basketball People Rednecks Sports

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator…. he didn’t get his birthmark until he was eight years old.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics People Time

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Friends People

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
America People Places