Subject: People (Page 54)

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Murphy’s Laws People

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Money Poverty Self

I'm always into a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV.'

American television personality
Boxing People Sports

For boys, puberty is like turning into the Incredible Hulk… but very, very slowly.

(1966 – ) English comedian
People

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America People Places

The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer.

Appearance Clothing People Women

Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink People Places

The Welsh are just Italians in the rain.

(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Places

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty People

The littlest things can set women off – like, “Hey, the waitress is hot! I bet we could get her to come home with us.” Or, “How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I’m getting into.”

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

(1928 – ) American psychologist & advice columnist
Emotions Love Men People

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities People Sports

You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
People Success

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
People

England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual.’

(1956 – ) American comedian
England People Places Self

Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.

Murphy’s Laws People

When you talk to him, he looks at you and grins and grins and nods and nods and appears to be the world's best listener, until you realize he is not listening at all.

(1933 – ) television & radio host
Conversation People

You might be a redneck if… you have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks