Subject: People » Self (Page 20)

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs Characteristics Self

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Death Self

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Money Poverty Self

Not with anybody else.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Emotions Love People Self

My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician; and to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Government People Politicians Self

I never thought you could win a Pulitzer just for quoting Tommy Lasorda correctly.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Communication People Reading/Writing Self Sports

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.

American writer
Intelligence Self

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics Self

I hope there’s a tinge of disgrace about me; hopefully, there’s one good scandal left in me yet.

(1938 – ) English actress
People Self

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me; I’m like a white male U.S. senator.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government People Self

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb… it took me only a few days to correct that impression.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball People Self Sports

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Death Self

My doctor said, 'I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is you don’t have premenstrual syndrome; the bad news is… you’re a bitch!'

(1949 – ) American actress & comedian
People Self Situations

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age People Self

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Communication People Self Speech

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self