Subject: People » Self (Page 18)

I can’t wear yellow anymore; it’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age People Self Time

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

Sometimes I’m so sweet even I can’t stand it.

(1935 – ) British actress, singer & author
People Self

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Mind Self TV/Movie Quotes

I only have ‘yes’ men around me; who needs ‘no’ men?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Self

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

I was the class podiatrist… I never made it to class clown.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

They laughed at Edison and Einstein, but somehow I still feel uncomfortable when they laugh at me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions Laughter People Self

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

I’m not only Iranian, I’m also Jewish, and I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking, ‘Wow, he’s Iranian and Jewish; I don’t know if I should hate him or hate him.’

American standup-comedian
Emotions People Self