Subject: People » Women (Page 6)

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands; her name was “woman.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian

A dog is wiser than a woman; it doesn’t bark at its master.

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net.

American playwright, television writer & author

Man does not control his own fate; the women in his life do that for him.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Al, you're meddling with powers which, like a woman's body, you know nothing about.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

There is no reciprocity; men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.

Anna Haycraft (1932 – 2005) English writer & essayist

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor; it is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.

(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist

I believe in loyalty… when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

(1919 – 1995) Hungarian-born American socialite & actress

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I'm not saying older women are sluttier; I'm just saying, an older woman isn't gonna make you wait 'til three in the morning 'cause she's got shit to do the next day.

American comedian