Subject: Places (Page 31)

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict Crime Places

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he’s just as good as everybody else.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
Colemanballs Places

According to legend, Telford is so dull that the bypass was built before the town.

Places

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
America Characteristics Family Fathers People Places

The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.

(1888 – 1989) American composer & lyricist
People Places World

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

Headlines New York City Places

They don't get the philosophy jokes in Alabama; they think Descartes is the thing you put before de-horse.

comedian
Intelligence Places

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

Activities Murphy’s Laws New York City Places Sports

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Age Friends Old People Places Young

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain.

(1880 – 1916) Irish economist, barrister, writer, soldier & politician
Places

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

Rome wasn’t born in a day.

professional baseball player
Malaprops Places

Wherever you go in the world, you just have to say you’re Canadian and people laugh.

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian
Canada Emotions Laughter Places

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Beverly Hills is so exclusive… their fire department won’t make house calls.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Hollywood Places

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

The Devil himself had probably re-designed Hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts.

(1928 – ) English author
Places

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People Places Travel

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
World

The streets are safe in Philadelphia – it’s only the people who make them unsafe.

(1920 – 1991) American police officer & mayor of Philadelphia
Conflict Crime Misspokements Places