Subject: Places (Page 31)

The average Italian…. is a cowardly baritone who consumes 78.3 kilometers of carbohydrates a month and drives about in a car slightly smaller than he is, looking for a divorce.

(1938 – 2007) British writer
People Places

I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car… in the lobby of Caesar's Palace.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Animals Entertainment Places

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America New York City Places Self

One of those Canadian proverbs.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Places

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everyone and still nobody likes him.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
America Places

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box, so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities America Places Travel

I can never forgive God for having created the French.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People Places

What middle class? … there's only seven people left in the middle class – who cares about them?

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
America People Places

I often say after eight years in Washington, I longed for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Government Hollywood Places

What To Do When the Russians Come: A Survivor’s Guide

,
Book Titles Places

The most serious charge which can be brought against New England is not Puritanism but February.

(1893 – 1970) American writer, critic & naturalist
Cold Places Science/Weather

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy.

(1947 — ) American actor, writer, comedian & director
Entertainment Hollywood Places

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Places Problems

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Places

I came from a real tough neighborhood; in the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Places

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
America Misspokements Places

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny… yet no French sex comedies are funny.

(1954 – ) cartoonist, screenwriter, producer & creator of The Simpsons
Entertainment Film Places Reviews/Criticism