Subject: Places (Page 38)

I have to spend so much time explaining to Americans that I am not English and to Englishmen that I am not American that I have little time left to be Canadian.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
America Canada England Places

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
America Places

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

(1912 – 1987) Hungarian-born British author
Characteristics England People Places

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Canada Places Things

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

(1925 – ) American comedian, actor, writer, teacher & lecturer
Places

In Milan, traffic lights are instructions; in Rome, they are suggestions; in Naples, they are Christmas decorations.

(1942 – ) Italian politician
Places

The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne that has stood for five days.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
England Government Places

I come from a small town whose population never changed; each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

American humorist
Places

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Conflict Government Places

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

The town where I grew up has a zip code of E – I – E – I – O.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Places

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country; the study has a margin of error of 100 percent.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Places

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he’s just as good as everybody else.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
Colemanballs Places

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.

(1895-1957) Canadian historian
America Canada People Places

We’re not used to weather in June in this country.

professional football player, coach & executive
England Misspokements Places Science/Weather

The rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Places

No matter where you are, there you are.

Murphy’s Laws Places

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People Places

Cross country skiing is great… if you live in a small country.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Sports

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks