Subject: Places (Page 43)

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

There are three golden rules for parliamentary speakers: “Stand up. Speak up. Shut up.”

(1855 – 1949) British politician
Communication England Places Speech

I am going to hell and I'm looking forward to it… I'll finally get to meet Madonna.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Death Insults Places

Switzerland is simply a large humpy, solid rock, with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.

(the Science Guy) (1955 – ) American science educator, writer & scientist
Places World

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People Places

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist
Food/Drink Health Insults Places

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Girls People Places Women

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country; the study has a margin of error of 100 percent.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Places

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places

We would need less gun control is we had better birth control.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model
Divorce Hollywood Marriage Places

What To Do When the Russians Come: A Survivor’s Guide

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Book Titles Places

I want to succeed in America where, unlike Britain, they do not regard ambition as being the same as eating babies.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
America Places Success