Subject: Problems (Page 20)

There are coexisting elements in frustration phenomena which separate expected results from achieved results.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Nothing is easy.

Life Murphy’s Laws Problems

If you mess with something long enough, it'll break.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Failure Situations Success

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Money Problems

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's accomplishments; the front page has nothing but man’s failures.

(1891 – 1974) 14th U.S. Chief Justice & politician
Failure Problems Sports

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Flying pests are more likely to enter the ears, eyes, nose and throat when both hands are in use.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Problems

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Accidents Problems Things

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

Accidents Autos Problems Things

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.

(1935 – ) American cartoonist
Beliefs Death God Life Problems

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems

Nothing you can’t spell will ever work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Problems

Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

Murphy’s Laws Problems