Subject: Sex (Page 22)

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Men and women are different; while guy is having sex he's thinking how great it would be with a different woman; while when a woman is having sex she's thinking how lousy it is with this guy.

Canadian comedian & author
Men People Sex Women

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

After lovemaking do you: A) go to sleep? B) light a cigarette? or C) return to the front of the bus?

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

I learned about sex the hard way… from books.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Sex

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex

I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard – day-in and day-out – just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it’s all over, he showers and goes to his job.

comedian
Men Sex

If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humor was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.

(1973 – ) English actress
Relationships Sex

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women

I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.

(1946 – ) American singer
Sex

You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Sex Sports

My goal this year is to make love being naked.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Wrong verb.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Sex

Stand-up is a lot like sex… there’s a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Sex

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Sex

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex