Subject: Situations (Page 13)

Deploring change is the unchangeable habit of all Englishmen.

(1896 – 1971) English socialist, author, journalist, editor & gourmet
People Situations

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations Sleep

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Conflict Situations War

A lot of bars have black lights, and when a bar has black lights, everybody looks very cool… except for me because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Situations

If he wants breakfast in bed, tell him to sleep in the kitchen.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Men People Situations

I picked up a hitchhiker… you've got to when you hit them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Situations

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

I wouldn’t kidnap a man for sex, but I’m not saying I couldn’t use someone to oil the mower.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Sex Situations

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent invitation.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Situations

It’s a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Situations

Fighting fire with fire only gets you ashes!

(1918 – ) American advice columnist
Situations

Don’t ever take a fence down until you know the reason why it was put up.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Situations

There are only two occasions when Americans respect privacy, especially in presidents; those are prayer and fishing.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
America Characteristics Situations

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
People Self Situations

It’s kinda like grandkids: you just abuse them and turn them back in.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations

I bought a portable cable TV.

comedian
Situations Television Things

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Situations

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress
Beliefs God Situations

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Situations Time Work

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.


Characteristics Situations