Subject: Sports » Golf

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.

(1955 – ) American sportswriter

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over sixty feet of peanut brittle.

American professional golfer

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

There is an old saying: If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

golf writer

Too much ambition is a bad thing to have in a bunker.

American professional golfer

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf is like love. One day you think you are too old and the next day you want to do it again.

Argentinian professional golfer

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

Columbus went around the world in 1492; that isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.

American writer

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

You can’t lose an old golf ball.