Subject: Sports (Page 101)

When I ask you what club to use, look the other way and don't answer.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Our system of forechecking is to shoot the puck and leave it there.

Canadian hockey coach, general manager & commentator
Hockey Sports

Giving Magic the basketball is like giving Hitler an army, Jesse James a gang, or Genghis Khan a horse.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Golf Insults Intelligence

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can’t hit one another. 

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Hockey Sports

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match: “It's a fight to the finish” … that's a good place to end.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Boxing Sports

I know it's said that I can't punch, but you should see me putting the cat out at night.

boxer
Boxing Sports

Not intentionally, but I sweat easily.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

You only have to bat 1.000 in two things—flying and heart transplants; everything else, you can go four in five.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Sports

For those who know golf, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, no explanation is possible.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

The Rangers dropped out of the lead June 16 with a loss that will be forever remembered as the forgettable debut of lefthander Matt Perisho.

sports reporter
Baseball Misspokements Sports

We're looking forward to building the type of team the Rangers are able to buy.

Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

 This job is better than I could get if I used my college degree, which, at this point, I can't remember what it was in.

professional football player
Education Football Misspokements Sports

Grand Prix motor racing is like Punch [magazine]. It is never as good as it was.

auto racing writer
Auto racing Sports

I sight down my nose to shoot, and now my nose isn't straight since I broke it. That's why my shooting has been off.

American basketball player
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

Why, they shot the wrong McKinley!

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

If Lew could cook, I’d marry him.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

They expect an umpire to be perfect on opening day and to improve as the season goes on.

American baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Conflict Fights Sports

If officials called every penalty they saw, there would be no players on the ice and no one in the rink.

professional hockey referee
Hockey Sports