Subject: Sports (Page 39)

It's a good thing Babe Ruth isn't still with the Yankees. If he was, George Steinbrenner would have him bat seventh and say he's overweight.

American baseball player
Baseball Body Fat Sports

Panthers Destroy Viking Visitors

Headlines Sports

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Money Sports Wives

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Golf Sports

Orel Hershiser is the only Major League pitcher to have two consecutive pronouns in his surname.

American essayist
Baseball Sports

You know what they say about big hitters… the woods are full of them.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Golf Sports

If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.

(1919 – 2006) American sports announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

It was further than I thought.

Equatorial Guinea swimmer
Sports

I can see them buying Mauer the city of Duluth.

baseball sports writer & analyst
Baseball Sports

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field… no, wait a minute… it’s ball one… low and outside.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else's anywhere else.

golf journalist
Golf Marriage Sports

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Sports

The best way to die is to sit under a tree, eats lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer and blow up.

(1925 – ) American professional football player
Death Football Sports

The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.

College football coach
Football Sports

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sports

National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Nobody remembers the guy who finished second but the guy who finished second.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

(1945 – ) football coach
Books Communication Insults Reading/Writing Sports

I call Los Angeles the city of alternatives. If you don't like mountains, we got the ocean. If you don't like Knott's Berry Farm, we've got Disneyland. If you don't like basketball, we've got the Clippers.

American television personality
Basketball Sports

The good chip allows you to whistle while you walk in the dark alleys of golf.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports