Subject: Sports (Page 57)

I play sports…no I don’t… what the f**k?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Self Sports

Sex is the poor man’s polo.

(1906 – 1963) playwright, screenwriter & socialist
Sex Sports

With so many Super Bowl rings, maybe they'll all retire and go into the jewelry business.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Columbus went around the world in 1492; that isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

They’ve picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.

English former football player & manager
Misspokements Sports

The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Golf Sports

The Republic-of-China – back in the Olympic Games for the first time.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

There were no scores below single figures.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Our offense is like the Pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!

American basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

Many fans look upon an umpire as a necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Activities Baseball Characteristics Sports

The A's leave after this game for Cleveland. It was only by a 13-12 vote that they decided to go.

Oakland A's announcer
Baseball Places Sports

That's one of the best sets I've seen him play[Tomas Zib] – although I should preface that by saying I haven't seen him play before

American professional tennis player
Misspokements Sports

You can’t think and hit the ball at the same time.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.

Murphy’s Laws Sports

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Money Sports

… when we came in at halftime we pulled off our socks and began putting iodine on the teeth marks in our legs.

American football player & coach
Football Sports

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

My face is my mask.

Canadian professional hockey goalie
Hockey Sports

The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he's worse, he's neglecting his golf.

Golf Sports

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Football Sports