Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 59)
I’m too lazy to work and too scared to steal.
Tom Bolton
professional baseball player
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
Work
Laziness
On why he kept playing despite seven years in the minor leagues
If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.
George Brett
(1953 – ) American baseball player
Situations
Sports
Kissing your sister
Losing
Ties
It's like Christmas, except it's warmer.
Pete Rose
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On Opening Day
I got a guy who's short, stoop shouldered and balding with two left feet. They all look better than he does as far as the moves are concerned, but they don't look so good on the canvas.
Charlie Goldman
American boxing trainer
Boxing
Sports
Of Rocky Marciano
Absentee: A missing golfing peg.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Absentee
Career highlights?… I had two; I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.
Bob Uecker
(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball
Self
Sports
Career
I hit him with body shots that would have brought down cities.
Joe Frazier
American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
Punches
Referring to Muhammad Ali after the ‘Thrilla in Manila’
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Sports
Tennis
Walls
Throw strikes – home plate don't move.
Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Pitching
We work in the toy department.
Jimmy Cannon
(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Communication
Reading/Writing
Sports
Explaining the craft of sports writers
Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.
Doug Collins
professional basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
A good ball club.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Sports
Yogi-isms
On what makes a good manager
It takes brains; it's not like forward, where you can get away with scoring and not play defense… on defense you have to be thinking.
Chris Chelios
American hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On the difference between being a defenseman and a forward
Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.
Rich Hall
(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Activities
Animals
Sports
Fishing
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
Bertrand Russell
(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Family
Fathers
Golf
Sports
He (Don Drysdale) talks very well for a guy who's had two fingers in his mouth all his life.
Gene Mauch
(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball
Sports
Referring to Drysdale’s spit ball
If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.
Dan Jenkins
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Golf
Sports
Caddies
Really, there are none. We traded him for a 10th round pick in a nine-round draft.
Bobby Clarke
professional hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On what future considerations he received from the Nashville Predators for Sergei Klimentiev
You hate to lose your teeth and the game, too.
Bill Barber
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
Losing
Teeth
Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of golf, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.
Buddy Hackett
(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Golf
Sports
No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock, once you have reached the furthest point from port the wind will die.
Deal's Second Law of Sailing
Murphy’s Laws
Sports
Sailing
Wind
Page 59 of 125
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