Subject: Sports (Page 59)

I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports

If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Nigel Mansell is the last person in the race apart from the five in front of him.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else's anywhere else.

golf journalist
Golf Marriage Sports

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball; unfortunately, neither of them work.

professional baseball coach
Baseball Sports

My uncle always described an unforced error as his first marriage.

American journalist & tennis broadcaster
Marriage Sports

Kid, don't be messing around with my money.

(1922 – 2007) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.

Tennessee football player
Football Sports

We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

We’re not afraid of challenges. It’s like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned.

Mixed metaphors Sports

Sometimes Howard makes me wish I was a dog and he was a fireplug.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

The Orlando Magic were so bad last season, the cheerleaders stayed home and phoned in their cheers.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball Sports

If cocaine were helium, the NBA would float away.

American sportscaster
Basketball Sports

When I told my wife UConn would win the Big East tournament, she wanted to know why a team from Alaska got into the Big East tournament.

American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

You have only two hemispheres in your brain – a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Intelligence Mind Sports

Bill Walton is incredible; if you drop a toothpick on his foot, he'll have a stress fracture.

American basketball coach
Basketball Health Sports

There are too many weird Olympic events now, like that one where the gymnasts prance around the mat swirling a piece of ribbon… it’s called ‘rhythmic gymnastics’ – unless you’re five, then it’s called ‘playing.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sports

 I don't think we've been beaten by officials more than five times this season.

college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play… it is war minus the shooting.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Sports

I was like a pig with a wristwatch.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports