Subject: Sports (Page 61)

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let the players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches.

Australian actor
Sports

We haven't had the rub of the dice.

English football player & manager
Misspokements Sports

It's like embalming. Nobody likes it, but somebody has to do it.

American football player
Football Sports

The three important elements of hockey are: forecheck, backcheck and paycheck.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

If I needed advice from my caddie, he'd be hitting the shots and I'd be carrying the bag.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

American baseball umpire
Baseball People Sports Women

If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Cycling's a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets.

Children Sports

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it; then you hit it again.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

At 180 mph, when your front wheel wants to play pogo stick, you don't do nothing. You don't sneeze, you don't hiccup, you don't even breathe. All you do is point it and hang on.

American motorcycle racer
Auto racing Sports

I’m the football coach around here and don’t you remember it.

football coach
Misspokements Sports

If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

The older you get, the faster you ran as a kid.

professional football player & coach
Age Football Memory Sports

I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation; I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.

Nebraska football coach
Football Sports

The best classroom of all times was about two car lengths behind Juan Manuel Fangio.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Auto racing Education Learning Sports

When I asked the baseball writers why they haven't elected me to the Hall of Fame, they told me they thought I was still playing.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

All of his saves have come during relief appearances.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Being in politics is like being a football coach: you have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it’s important.

Education Government Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Politics Sports

Ernie Irvan could go bear hunting with a switch. He ain't never afraid.

American auto racer
Auto racing Emotions Fear Sports

You rejoin us at a very appropriate time – Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end!

cricket announcer
Misspokements Sports

I’m not playing favorites… all my favorites have graduated.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports