Subject: Sports (Page 64)

I’d be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.

American baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

If England lose now, they will be leaving the field with their heads between their legs!

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

I love my dad… he used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico, so, it was cool growing up with him ’cause when he hit us, he didn’t really hit us.

(1976 – ) comedian
Family Fathers Sports

All last year we tried to teach him (Fernando Valenzuela) English, and the only word he learned was million.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get rid of fighting to a fight.

American-Canadian hockey executive
Fights Hockey Sports

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.

Golf Sports

I’m no different from anybody else with two arms, two legs, and 4,200 hits.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Well the frog men finally got Rosie.

(1925 – ) American professional football player
Football

It's like my ex-wife… 21 different personalities and seven of them hated me.

American football coach
Football Marriage Sports Wives

I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player
Baseball Occupations Sex Sports Work

I can close any cut in the world in 50 seconds, so long as it ain't a total beheading.

boxing cut-man
Boxing Sports

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

Slump, I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.

American basketball coach
Basketball Football Sports

Bauer taught me how to dress, how to talk — and how to drink.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player
Baseball People Sports

Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contract; I’ll win a pennant every year.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Doctors and scientists said breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt; thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.

(1929 – ) English middle-distance athlete, physician & academic
Sports

The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn't fly back to San Francisco, they were faxed.

American sports columnist
Football Sports

The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn’t even started.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Gehringer goes two for five on Opening Day and stays that way all season.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

For most amateurs, the best wood in the bag… the pencil!

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports