Subject: Sports (Page 90)

I pitch like my hair’s on fire.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Pudge is so old, they didn’t have history class when he went to school.

professional baseball player & broadcaster
Age Baseball Old Sports

Incompetence should not be confined to one sex.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports

Everybody has a plan, ’till they get hit.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

When you the man who beat the man who was the man… well, then you ‘The Man.’

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

You drive for show, but putt for dough.

South African professional golfer
Golf Sports

The way to stop Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is to get real close to him and breathe on his goggles.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

“Hell, Lou, it took fifteen years to get you out of a game; sometimes I’m out in fifteen minutes.”

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.

(1929 – 2016) American golfer
Golf Sports

Football coaches walk across the field after the game and pretend to congratulate the opposing coach; baseball managers head right for the beer.

American sportswriter
Baseball Football Sports

[The ball] came out like a dead mouse from a cornfield.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

There are only two seasons – winter and baseball.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Science/Weather Sports

Mike Tyson's not all that bad. If you dig deep … dig real deep, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, deep, deep, go all the way to China … I'm sure, you'll find there's a nice guy in there.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

The game is too long, the season is too long and the players are too long.

American basketball executive
Basketball Sports

You rejoin us at a very appropriate time – Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end!

cricket announcer
Misspokements Sports

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off; I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Alcohol Golf Sports

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.

(1955 – ) American sportswriter
Beliefs Congress Golf Government Honesty Law Lies

Lennox Lewis has two chances of getting a rematch with McCall – no chance and slim. And slim has just left town.

(1931 – ) American boxing promoter
Boxing Sports

There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.

college football coach
Football Sports

Get used to this phrase: “How could both referees have missed that?”

Canadian sports writer & analyst
Hockey Sports

Jerry's a nice kid, but so's my wife… and she's no quarterback.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports