Subject: Things » Autos (Page 6)

On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite; green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the f**k did you get that banana at?'

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

Autos Headlines

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor’s new one.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Things

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Problems Things

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

My car broke down this morning before I did.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Autos Things

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

If only two cars are left in a vast parking lot, one will be blocking the other.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author
Autos Money Things

Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Autos Government Murphy’s Laws

A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Autos People Things Women

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws