Subject: Things » Autos (Page 4)

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

Autos Headlines

They think they can make fuel from horse manure…. now, I don’t know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it’s sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.

(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter
Autos Things

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

That's all you're doing – swearing, in a box with wheels.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor’s new one.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Things

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian
Autos Communication Relationships

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

Never buy a car that has a wick.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws New York City Places

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

Every car has a lot of speed in it. The trick is getting the speed out of it.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

You might be a redneck if… you removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People Rednecks Things

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Family Things