Subject: Things » Autos (Page 2)

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Never think of your car as a cold machine, but as a hot-blooded horse.

Argentinian auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

Remember folks, stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Science/Weather Things

I always expect to see lottery balls blowing around inside there with him.

comedian
Autos Things

I thought “RV” stood for “Recreational Vehicle…” No! It stands for “Ruins Vacations.”

Autos Things

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out and now my car goes 500 miles an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Autos Beliefs Religion Things

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor’s new one.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Things

Traffic increases to fill the road space available.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Nothing that I know can help you with your car… ever… unless you’re like: “Hey I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the “Cosby Show”?’

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Autos Things

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Death Friends People Things