Subject: Things » Autos (Page 3)

I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Situations Things

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Places Things

You might be a redneck if… your the tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

(1971 – ) American actor, director & producer
Autos TV/Movie Quotes

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

Nothing that I know can help you with your car… ever… unless you’re like: “Hey I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the “Cosby Show”?’

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Autos Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

How to locate the slow-moving traffic lane or check-out land: Get in it.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather